Category Archives: Story

Memory

Sherniah B&w eating

 

 

Shernaniah B&w stairring

There are weird ‘glitch moments’ as I would like to call them where I’d be walking to the subway or eating lunch, like today, and suddenly a long forgotten memory will SMACK, plant itself vividly into my present time. So while cleaning out my PC today, sorting out the shit from what’s important then backing up thousands of photos and videos, it is in that moment I realize that our brains are far more superior to that sleek iMac starring back at me on my desk. Don’t get me wrong I’m fully aware long before that our brains are vastly superior to a CPU, however I never really had a direct reason to stare back at my screen to ponder on it and compare processes. What interest me though is one process and that is how we don’t store thousands of snapshots per month or long recordings of our day-to-day for recollection like we use a Computer’s Hard Drive for.

Imagine if we had to occasionally organize our memory banks, choosing yearly what we want to keep or chuck in the mental recycling bin – that would be a very tedious process – thank god that task is an automated process in our heads. Somewhere in between the intricacies, our brains or maybe our consciousness decides what to tag & grab from the fleeting thoughts and moments, however best believe that what it chooses to grab is only quality moments be good, bad, funny or sad times, and these quality moments never fade or leave you throughout the years here.

In order to quickly remember almost anything, I’ve come to the realization that I only need to associate them with an emotion, it’s my mental tag I guess. For example the pictures above, look at her face fr a minute, for me it displayed all these micro-emotions, expressing way deeper thought beyond just enjoying the meal in front of her. I absorbed these for a while, all the happenings and the feelings of that moment was already being stored mentally way before I thought about grabbing my camera. Actually, had I not have my camera with me that snapshot, that moment would have been etched in my brain regardless. She had no idea that I took these snaps until later.

 

 

Also posted in Technology

To the other side

c19-chairs2.jpg

Walking to the other side
With the Devil trying to take my mind
And my soul’s just a silhouette
On the ashes of a cigarette

Illusions never fake their lives
Trick cards fool the eyes
Carry zeros over till they add up
Bury tears in the chapters you shut

Sometimes the jail can’t chain the cell
And the rain’s too plain to tell
All alone by a barren well
Scarecrow’s only scaring himself

I’ve been digging the ground
Beneath the dust and the clouds
I see miles and miles
Of junkyard piles

I wanted hope from a grave
I wanted strength from a spade
What gives you comfort now
Might be the end of your vein

Crows are pulling at my clothes
The wind got my fingers froze
Standin’ all day, keepin’ watch
Over all the treasures we’ve lost

Sometimes the jail can’t chain the cell
And the rain’s to plain to tell
All alone by a barren well
The scarecrow’s only scaring himself

Scarecrow’s only scaring himself
Scarecrow’s only scaring himself
Scarecrow’s only scaring himself

Also posted in a-PAD: a Photo a Day, Conceptual

Everything is Everything.

DSC_8800-Edit-1-2.jpg

Crazy cold everywhere, had a quiet but wonderful frigid New Years in Toronto -23 degrees, couldn’t wait to leave while they prepared for an icy storm of their own. I tried, but I seriously can’t find any joy in walking around fearing that my ears or fingers would freeze and fall off.

DSC_8806-Edit-1-4.jpg

Arrived back in NYC welcomed by the aftermath of our very own snow storm . On the bright side little did I know blocks from me Prospect Park where these were taken, turns into snow-sled heaven during heavy falls like these. Who doesn’t like ‘dashing through the snow in a horseless open-sleigh’?

Reminiscing, it was a lonnnnnnng time ago where I actually knelt down to pray for my first snow fall — I seriously did. God smirked and responded:  you want snow my boy? You’ve got it!  Holy shit did my prays get answered that winter.

Four pm hanging with my Junior High school crew, {yep I told you a very long time ago didn’t I} when the first flake hit my head, did an auto-reflex 180 spin, looked around to see if there was some little joy ritual that people do as it started, I mean fuck, it silently appeared out of nowhere — everyone continued on, some pulled their hoodies over their heads, it wasn’t a big deal, just snow. Later on as I got to used to living here, it occurred to me that I was the brainless zombie all along not the joyless folks walking the streets, because they anticipated it, you can’t blame me, peeking at the Weather channel was never a part of our morning routine in the Caribbean — why would it, unless it was hurricane season.

So still back in time, I am standing there conversing in typical hangout stance, perfectly composed but if anyone dared to X-ray’d me — my bones, my spirit every ounce of energy inside was jumping and dancing for joy as my two buddies still carried on their football argument, ‘Barry Sanders, Emmitt Smith’ blah blah blah. There’s a pillow fight in heaven goddamn it — quick gazes into their eyes, both void of any amazement as this silent white dust continued on, a few now stuck to their heads. Neither one had cared, they were already seasoned, it meant nothing anymore to them —  little did I know after my third snow fall I myself would soon be assimilated. So I continued on pretending until I became the last one among us to remain on the bus, once Joey exited, I counted three stops after, making sure that young football nut was completely out of sight, no one was invited to share or witness my bliss — hurried off the bus to walk 26 blocks home – sounds terrible but trust me I did it in pure joy,  had it been 100 blocks I would gladly do it again to recapture that feeling — walking under the white powder falling from the sky —  on that walk I kicked it, I felt the texture with my hands, I enjoy every step listening to the crunchy noise it made under my feet, I even scooped up a handful and ate some to see how it would taste.

Thinking back, I’ve come to realize that there are certain moments in life that I categorize under peak-clarity moments, like seeing the Niagara falls for the first time, that was a peak moment for me. You feel so alive during these moments, a sharp surge a concentrated love for life occurs during these windows, it’s sort of like your brain temporarily open up all senses at once to soak it all up. I woke up the second morning and although Niagara Falls was right outside my window, that feeling was gone. Why is it so fleeting? it’s like my brain had already stored and filed it away and it was instantly old.

As I sat on that tree stub, foot anchored in the snow, sick of the cold, slightly disgusted by the slushy snow, my mind so far off into vacation planing, yearning for a change of scenery, adventure, getting to know strangers and other places —  for a brief second in all my thoughts there it was, it all came back to me, I remembered how it felt, my first snow fall!

Polar Vortex huh, well everything is everything…after winter must come spring!

Vanished memories

pROSPECT2-1.jpg

My running partner is a brave soul, willing to go nude in Prospect Park for my silliness. The thoughts flowing through my mind at the time of editing were:

At times you hold on to memories of someone you really cared about, that thought of a place, a random thing that brings it all back, but deep down you know it — you have to let these memories fade — let the beast of the night, darkness have it’s way with these scattered thoughts. Suddenly one day you try to remember — a memory which was once so colorful fades away and loses it vividness — its now colorless — details gradually fade each time you try to recollect. Then as the days keep on rolling the years collected….one random day…it’s suddenly gone. Time cannot be tamed nor frozen — so you adapt, you learn to no longer fight it; with each loss you learn to loosen your grip, you allow the new memories to easily stroll in; you breathe….you then learn to be strict..to only give cursory glances to the past. In the end as you age you can only hope, with all your collected memories both new and old….. that there are none painfully soaked with regret.

 

 

You are what you eat

Fridge4.jpgFridge5-2.jpg

Feeling hardcore this morning was about to bump some rap then this came on while riding the Q train. What! why! how did this get on my playlist. I looked like a crazy person laughing my ass off while trying to hold on to the pole. Listen to this.

Anyway, have you ever dropped by a new friend or date’s apartment, or scrap that, lets say: invited to a party, you drink one to many beers, now you have to use the bathroom, you flush, now you’re washing your hands, you look into the mirror to make sure that you’re still fresh…now pause…have you ever been tempted to sneak a peek in the medicine cabinet.

Well, don’t, do you know that you wanna know about someone then open their refrigerator, all you need to know about them is most likely in there.. I sneak observant peeks all the time.  It’s simple.

Me: “can I have a glass of water”.  Charlie: “oh, sure, refrigerator’s over there, the glasses are in the cabinet, upper right.”

Heineken …WTF Charlie! I have one word for you…. ‘Developers’. Actually Heineken will probably earn some cool points, sure when the sky falls, since the 007 can’t afford Martinis anymore.

 

Also posted in Conceptual, The Daily Grind

Eat what you catch

DSC_2804-5.jpg

A taste of what I am jamming to while cleaning and seasoning this big red mama!

I can’t believe it. It’s been a year since I stopped eating chicken/red meat/ poured a glass of milk or fried an egg for breakfast, a year ago I woke up one day and had no craving for a piece of steak that was on my lunch plate, later that day I caught myself strangely eating around some diced chicken in a dinner salad. I didn’t set out to drastically switch up my diet; in fact I have no recollection of any conscious thoughts that would set me on that path on that particular day. It just happened, that I can no longer eat these things. Weird. However, I still enjoy seafood from time to time, whatever possessed my thoughts on that day doesn’t seem to reject it. I decided to look this up, apparently theres a term for people like me:

“A pescetarian, their diet shares many of its components with a vegetarian diet and includes vegetablesfruitnutsgrainsbeanseggs, and dairy, but unlike a vegetarian diet it also includes fish and shellfish.”

 

I don’t eat eggs or dairy, so I guess a further deduced term is hiding somewhere in the dictionary . While Googling, I came across this video “Three reasons not to eat fish“  it’s so well edited, invoking much pity by showing  animal (Fish) cruelty. Almost made me feel bad about my catch, until I spotted a Dolphin in the video, WHAT! A Dolphin is not a fish, from my little fishing and bio knowledge, they are warm blooded, have  little hair fibres not scales, have lungs and need to come up to breath from time to time, and they give birth to a young  which requires it’s mother’s milk for a year.Spotting the Dolphin was my little justification for dismissing the entire video . That’s where my pity stops, I will work my way up sometime, but fish is SO delicious.

I’m a cruel guy.I know.Ha!

 

Also posted in Food, Hobbies, Sailing, The Daily Grind, Things I like Tagged , , |

Walking: Had a Snappy feeling :-)

DSC_2265.jpgDSC_2696-2.jpgDSC_2271.jpgDSC_2275.jpgDSC_2279.jpgc63-DSC_2695.jpgDSC_2281.jpgDSC_2694.jpgDSC_2283-2.jpgDSC_2693.jpgDSC_2695.jpgDSC_2284.jpgDSC_2286.jpgDSC_2289.jpgDSC_2295.jpgDSC_2300.jpgDSC_2301.jpgDSC_2303.jpgDSC_2309.jpgDSC_2311.jpgDSC_2316.jpgDSC_2319.jpgDSC_2324.jpgDSC_2377.jpgDSC_2333.jpgDSC_2375.jpgDSC_2380.jpgDSC_2383.jpgDSC_2386.jpgDSC_2395.jpgDSC_2397.jpgDSC_2398.jpgDSC_2403.jpgDSC_2413.jpgDSC_2404.jpgDSC_2415.jpgDSC_2414.jpgDSC_2417.jpgDSC_2418.jpgDSC_2670.jpgDSC_2675.jpgDSC_2676.jpgDSC_2677.jpgDSC_2679.jpgDSC_2682.jpgDSC_2686.jpgDSC_2690.jpgDSC_2692.jpgDSC_2697-2.jpgDSC_2698.jpgDSC_2699.jpgDSC_2700.jpgDSC_2701.jpgDSC_2702.jpgDSC_2709.jpgDSC_2703.jpgDSC_2706.jpgDSC_2704.jpgDSC_2707.jpgDSC_2710.jpgDSC_2708.jpg

“The people that I’ve met, the places that I’ve been, are a part of all that makes me the man that I so proudly am”
I was listening to the song above while sorting thru pictures over a cup of tea, my mind drifted away, to my 8 year old body sitting at the beach, spinning a tiny metal globe on my new pencil, while teasing the waves as they tried with every push to reach my feet,  I now realize that the boy spinning that globe is still trapped in me, still as confused  about the world  that I live in as I was back then; but now I vow to understand, to travel every inch of it that I can afford, be it by land or by sea. I don’t want to  just to read about it anymore, in an Encyclopedia as I curiously did back then, or the internet today. I want to see it with own two eyes, touch things with my own two hands, walk these places with my own two feet. I would love to see it all!
Also posted in a-PAD: a Photo a Day, Hobbies, Iceland, Travel

Learning to Draw….well..trying!

c62-DSC_6960.jpg

Using, the Book: Drawing from the Right Side of the Brain

“I took up the pencil about two months ago and have never had any drawing instruction previously. After spending about three weeks with her book, practicing 2-3 hours a day, I am now at a skill level where I feel comfortable (dare I say proud) to show my drawings to my friends. I am no longer afraid (out of embarrassment) to sign up for classes with the Art Students’ League.

That is what Edwards’ book will do for you. It will not make you an artist; it will teach you a skill, quickly. I don’t want to get dragged into who is and who is not an artist, but consider this book more like how to ride a bike, not on how to be a cyclist.”

 

Also posted in Uncategorized Tagged , , , |

Winey Chat. Wine & Cigaretts

DSC03641.jpg

I came across this random photo while deleting pics from my phone’s camera. I now remember taking this while leaving old Montreal at 2am one night, after a long chat with a buddy over a few glasses of wine. We chatted about life..dreams… death..traveling..life beyond NYC…marriage…sailing..nature..hikes, but the underlying thread throughout the conversation was; he thinks I would fit well in Montreal and wants me to think about settling down here.

Him: you know,…meet a nice french girl and settle down

Me: I don’t speak french very well. I can’t even understand half of this friggin menu here.

[sips his wine]

Him:  ah c’mon, it’s easy to learn.

Me: I dunno, I want to sail for a year or two before I think of settling down.

Him: Sailing?

Me: Yea![pause] Yea,well..I have to, before my life is over or else I will be miserable [pause] my soul is already calling for it…its agitated that I am not out at sea yet.

Him: Well you find a woman here who enjoys sailing and you two take off together when the time is right, there are many ports and marina’s here, plus the lakes”

Him: Life is not to be wasted in a rat race in NYC, and you can’t sail there, can you.

Him: You can get caught up in the cycle of things there and not even have the chance or even a sec of your day to reflect on the cycle of life ITSELF [pause] or hear a bird chirp away, or listen to the raindrops falling.

Me: Well,  I’ve never thought about sharing this experience with someone, come to think of it, whenever I draw up a mental picture, Its always me cruising single-handed [pause] and well…life is what you make it…anywhere!

Me: “Wherever you go…there you are”. Right?

Me: I can move to Jersey, New Hampshire or upstate NY to hear raindrops, or watch frogs leap across a lake.

[We both laugh, he sips his wine]

Him: [Glass in hand one hand, cigarette in the other] Keyword is “listen” not hear the raindrops, there is a difference MAN!

Him: You will get it eventually. Yours may very well be the ocean, [pause] but you will get what I mean.

Me: I know [sips wine, laughs] I know.

Waiter:  Mister, un autre verre de vin?

 

 

Also posted in Friends Hangout, Montreal, Travel Tagged , , , |

Bittersweet…Farewell My Birds

DSC_1272.jpg

I started training them to fly long distance a few months ago (in an apartment, while playing with them, you prevent them from landing for about 8-15mins at a time with 1min breaks) they eventually gain endurance and can fly quicker and for much longer. Although I wanted to be the one to at-lease  give them a last meal…..since they have been with me for 5yrs, but I found out that they were set free ..by accident while I am away in Montreal; I was furious for while of course but given the current heat wave that was approaching before I left…I guess I would have release them around this time too. Highly doubt it but I hope I spot them in prospect park sometime.

Also posted in Parakeets, Photography Tagged , , |